When I die (Like a Tulip)

My favorite flowers are tulips
I love how the petals close up,
Relentless not to reveal what’s inside.
But when they open,
Oh, they are beautiful!
So, so, beautiful.
They open up like the eyes of a newborn,
Eager to see the world,
Ready to share what’s inside.
I resonate with the tulips.
I relate with the tulips.
My favorite flowers are tulips.
I’m telling you, ’cause you never asked.
My favorite flowers are tulips.
I’m telling you because I want to see them,
When I die.
A colorful and intense death,
Like a tulip.

So when I die,
Bring me tulips.
Of every color and every shape.
Arrange them, carry them, share them.
Give them to each other,
Because love.
Because I want to remember the ones I love,
With the flowers I love.
I’m telling you this because no one will ever ask,
What I want,
When I die.

I’ve always wondered,
Will I look beautiful when I die?
Will I look like I’m sleeping?
Or will my dead body reveal my life’s restlessness?
My worries?
Will I look rested?
Or just dead?
I always wonder what my hair would look like.
Who would dress me.
Who would perty me up?
For the last time.
With cheap powders that crumble like my existence.
Softly, unsettling, lingering.
Like my existence.
I don’t know.
But I always wonder.
Will I smell nice?
Will it matter if I want to be cremated?
To be spread into the wind, the ocean, the tulips?
To rest in all parts of the world
That I never got to be
Rather than just one place.
I wonder if it would matter,
If my body became a freshman med student’s cadaver.
If I’d play a role progressing science.
Will I care?
I don’t know.
I do know that many things won’t matter,
Including my words,
So I write them now,
Before I die.

When I die,
Don’t cry for me.
Smile, be happy,
I am not in this world anymore.
So smile, have a party
I am not “no more”.
I’m simply living on in another reality.
In the reality I cannot.

When I die.
Do not dress in black
Dress in color
All the colors!
Except yellow or green,
Good heavens!
Anything but yellow or green!
Then be happy, and dance some more
And remember the person I had been.
Take pictures.
Capture those moments where you are all together.
Capture those moments of community.
Imprint them on your memories
Like the sound of a strumming guitar,
Let this moment vibrate in your spirit.
Soft vibrations,
Beautiful ones,
That you cannot forget.
Dwell in those moments.
They are now your moments.

When I die,
Do not cry
Do not weep
And I mean it!
I want to be celebrated.
Pour a glass of wine for I have rested.
Jive to live music ’cause I most definitely will love the irony
Take to the streets,
And the lonely,
And to anyone that needs it really.
Take to them the love that is left over from what was meant for me.

When I die,
Don’t play any sad songs.
Okay, maybe just one.
You can play one sad song when you bury me,
Just one.
Followed by even happier songs than before.
And don’t forget.
Live music!

When I die,
Don’t let my funeral be expensive.
I did not live thrifty to die expensive!
Even in death,
I want to be economical.
Gotta save that money!
Smile, why don’t ya!.
Practicality is key.

If you’re reading this,
It isn’t morbid if I want it to be perfect.
Cause death isn’t morbid,
The society that taught you that it is though,
That society,
Now that’s morbid.

When I die,
Remember my family.
I won’t carry any of my earthly memories with me.
I won’t need them.
So share with them my love,
Share with them my smile,
Share with them my hugs.

When I die,
Love and hate will cease to exist anymore.
So if you were a little nasty to me…
I forgive you.
And if I was a little less than cordial with you,
Forgive me too.
‘Cause let’s be honest.
I’m dead, lol!

Truth is, when I die,
I won’t be petty.
I’m letting go of all that now,
When I’m still living.
Cause let’s be even more honest,
I can’t be carrying the stress of your BS negativity into my afterlife.
Snap. Snap. Snap.
So when I die,
don’t feel guilty.
I wasn’t mad at you,
I’m not mad at you,
To be honest, it probably wasn’t even about you.
I’ve let it go, you should too.

Anyway, I guess what I want to say is
Share my story.
I want to be remembered.
When I die,
Read this to remember me.
And remember,
When you think of me, I’ll be thinking of you too.
And like a tulip opens up in anticipation for your eyes,
My arms will be open in anticipation,
For when we meet again.

Tracy Eric Writes… About my death, I guess.


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